The ability to set and enforce boundaries isn’t just a requirement of building healthy relationships; it a requirement for healthy holistic living.”, says Harmony Morgan, Director for Healing Hands School of Holistic Health – Laguna Hills. “Setting and sustaining healthy boundaries is a skill that many of us never learned. It requires that we understand our innate self-worth and are clear on our values. To set boundaries you’ll need to consider what you’re willing to tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed”, she added.
Personal boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and a healthy life. Our feelings of discomfort when we’re being manipulated, raged at or lied to, help us to identify when our boundaries are being crossed. When this happens, pay attention to what your body is telling you and speak up! For example, if a coworker starts berating you, causing your stomach to knot up, you have every right to stop them. You can do so by interrupting with “I don’t appreciate your tone and yelling won’t resolve anything! I am willing to discuss this issue, but only after you’ve calmed down”, then remove yourself by leaving the room or office. Give yourself the permission to set boundaries and then take responsibility for enforcing them. The good news is, it gets much easier to do with time and practice.
Below, are several ‘new rules’ to help raise awareness of healthy attitudes and boundaries that can help you optimize your health and happiness in 2019.
New Rules for 2019
- Being in-authentic takes a lot of mental energy and creates anxiety and fear of being discovered as a phony. I recognize the emotional relief and energy I reap from being a person rather than a persona.
- I accept that I have a right to be exactly who I am, imperfections and all! I recognize I am loving and loveable just as I am, and I appreciate my own uniqueness.
- I recognize abuse and abusers for who they are. I will no longer make excuses for them, nor will I accept or enable their bad behavior.
- I will not tolerate physical abuse, being used, mistreated, dismissed, yelled at, guilted or manipulated. I take responsibility for setting limits and enforcing my boundaries.
- I accept that others are who they are, and I have no control over their thoughts or behaviors. I release any wish for it to be any different and establish peace within.
- I allow myself to feel the authenticity of my negative emotions. These include anger, betrayal, exploitation, manipulation, or being ignored, insulted, belittled, or threatened. I know that emotions are fluid and constantly changing, which helps me to manage the temporary discomfort they present.
- While I recognize that negative emotions illicit a release of “negative hormones” in my body, I also recognize that pushing them down can add to their negative impact on my health. Accordingly, I allow myself to feel and process these emotions, then set boundaries to minimize their recurrence in my life.
- I take responsibility for removing myself from relationships and situations that are unhealthy, abusive, or unproductive.
- I allow myself to feel the authenticity of my positive emotions. These include joy, peace, love, excitement, satisfaction, confidence, strength, empowerment and appreciation. I recognize that positive emotions illicit a release of “happy hormones” in my body which contribute to good health. I focus on the positive and reap many health benefits.
- I recognize I’m human and will make mistakes. I choose not to allow mistakes to sabotage my self-confidence or success. This is called self-compassion. Self-compassion reconnects me to my sense of Self, my peace, love and joy.
- I have a right to prioritize my peace, joy, sanity, health, wellbeing and family above all else. This isn’t being self-serving it’s being self-responsible!
- I release myself from the false guilt of having to take care of other adults. I accept that as adults they are responsible for themselves and must find their own alignment with their higher self.
When you don’t protect your boundaries, your needs may go unmet. Unmet needs can lead to depression, anxiety and compulsive behaviors. Common signs of a lack of boundaries include overinvolvement in others’ lives; people pleasing; perfectionism, trying to fix or control others; staying in unhealthy relationships; taking on too many commitments. When your boundaries are not firm, you may feel overwhelmed and responsible for everything and everyone. This leads to feelings of powerlessness and ultimately creates resentment. Over time, these negative emotions will negatively impact your health and wellbeing.
Setting healthy boundaries allows you to relax knowing you are safe. They help you connect with yourself, your own emotions and your genuine needs. Setting appropriate personal boundaries and developing strategies to sustain them are essential self-care practices. Learn more about these and other holistic self-care practices at Healing Hands School of Holistic Health.
Founded in 1992, Healing Hands School of Holistic Health is considered a trail blazer for education in the Holistic Healing Arts. To date, their top-notch Faculty has prepared more than 7,500 students for rewarding careers as Professional Massage Therapists and can do the same for YOU! To learn more, go online to www.HealingHandsSchool.com or call us at (858) 505-1100 in San Diego (Kearny Mesa), (760) 746-9364 in Escondido, or (949) 305-2722 in Laguna Hills.